Wednesday, November 2, 2011

How Not to Quit Smoking

Have you ever noticed how people sometimes put on weight when they stop smoking? The theory is that food is substituted for cigarette; calories, or at least the serotonin fuzziness caused by them in carbohydrate form, are used to satisfy cravings. I've always been a bit dubious about this method of quitting, because it just seemed too easy, but recently I decided to give it a go.

My method was to have a chocolate bar after every meal - the time when I craved a cigarette the most. I would chomp down on a Chomp. Twig on a Twix. Run off to another Galaxy. Catch an Aero plain (or in caramel). Bury a Bounty. Choose a Topic. Have a romantic Picnic. In fact, I'd eat all kinds of chocolate bars, even the ones I couldn't make bad puns or rhymes about. Instead of lighting up a cigarette I would wallow on the sofa, enjoying the warm glow of chocolate high. And it worked. At least for a while.

During a boozy weekend my willpower collapsed, crushed under a tidal wave of beer and vodka and I don't remember what else. I started smoking again. But that didn't stop me from having a chocolate bar after every lunch and dinner.

So now I have two addictions instead of one.

And the funny thing?

I didn't even like chocolate before all this.

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